I have had multiple ideas for blog entries, mostly related to our infertility journey, which I’m sure I will eventually post, but at the moment that is no longer my main focus. I intended to post much more frequently, but life happens and it has been kind of crazy lately.
You see a few weeks ago my mother received the devastating diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Three to four months prior she began experiencing abdominal pain, bloating, and change in appetite. She has always struggled with various GI issues so we chalked it up as that until it progressively worsened. She visited a couple of doctors who were not extremely concerned because 6 months earlier she had a colonoscopy and abdominal ultrasound which were normal. Finally, after returning again to her doctor, a CT scan was performed. This scan revealed our worst nightmare, that she had what appeared to be ovarian cancer.
I learned of this late one Friday evening while sitting in my sister’s living room. It was the day after the CT was done. I texted my mom during my lunch break at work to see if she had received the results. My mom responded a few hours later with a text to both my sister and I stating “I got my CT scan results. I’m calling a family meeting tonight so you both can hear the results at the same time. You can ask but I will not tell”. I knew right away it couldn’t be good news and struggled to make it through the rest of the work day. After finishing my shift, I met my husband and drove straight to my sister’s house. I was a ball of nerves. My mom handed out copies of the results for each of us to read. My sister, brother-in-law, and myself all work in the medical field, and I think she needed us to help explain it further. I read through the entire CT, which mentioned mild to moderate ascites, growths noted to bilateral ovaries, and nodules throughout the peritoneal area, and my heart just sank as I read the words “worrisome for metastatic ovarian cancer”.
I was immediately filled with so many emotions: devastation, guilt, worry/anxiety. I was devastated because this is my mom who also happens to be my best friend. She is my favorite shopping buddy, lay out at the pool buddy, and I talk to her about just about everything. I was trying not to think the worst but having a difficult time. As I said, I work in the medical field so I know Ovarian cancer is typically caught in late stages, and it appeared hers was from the CT scan.
I felt guilty because I should have picked up on the signs and been more adamant about her seeking imaging earlier. I even mentioned a couple of times to her, when she would complain about symptoms, how it just better not be ovarian cancer. She would say to me that her pain was higher up in the abdomen and so I would brush it off as something GI related since the doctors didn’t seem concerned either. I just really didn’t think it could be happening to my mom, but I should have dug more and insisted she have imaging much sooner.
I felt anxious about what the future would hold. I am already an anxious person, and this news just sent it over the top. I kept thinking what I would do if I lost my mom. I’m not even 30 years old yet. She hasn’t met my kids yet (that I’ll hopefully have) or been able to help guide me through becoming a mom. I want my kids to grow up with her as their Gammie because she is the BEST. She hasn’t finished teaching me how to sew yet. Who will I talk to on the phone on the way home from work. Who am I going to call when I’m at the grocery store and can’t find an item? There are so many things I still need my mom for.
That night I went home and tried to sleep but actually woke up in the middle of the night hyperventilating and hysterical. I will never forget that night and the emotions that coursed through me.
The next week, thanks to an amazing physician, my sister and I attend church with, she was scheduled to see the best gynecologic oncologist in the state. He was thankfully very optimistic after looking at her CT scan and stated he felt he could remove all of the cancer and then she would need 6 treatments of chemotherapy. She was scheduled to have surgery 2 weeks later. Those were two of the longest weeks of my life.
A week ago she endured the 2 1/2 hour surgery where she was cut from pelvis to sternum. The surgeon removed both ovaries, some fatty tissue where there was a tumor, her appendix, and a couple nodules on the diaphragm. He told us he was able to remove everything except for a couple small sand-sized particles on the diaphragm that he felt fully confident the chemo would take care of. He fully explored and was able to optimally clear with surgery. He informed us her cancer was stage 3 but also said “let me be clear I fully anticipate we will be able to knock this out completely”. It is a bold statement, but it is what I’m holding on to right now. We could not be more thankful for him, and we are very hopeful.
We have received such an outpouring of love from family and friends already. Such a large number of friends came to sit with us during surgery that they moved us to our own private waiting room. Family friends brought a basket full of snacks and goodies for the hospital and she had many visitors bringing cookies, flowers, cards, and balloons. I had a hard time keeping up with all the many calls, texts, and messages from friends which is a great problem to have.
I am so incredibly proud of my mom. She has maintained her extremely positive attitude through the entire journey thus far. I don’t think she has shed a single tear except for when she was worrying about telling me, concerned that she would ruin my vacation that was scheduled the day after we received the news. Even when facing her own personal battle, she is still focused on others. She is in pain from surgery but knows she still needs to get up and walk and is doing it like a champ. She is unknowingly teaching us all how to handle struggles with grace and faith. She is a beautiful, kind, caring, strong, Godly woman, and I know she will make it through this. She’s too stubborn not to.
God has already revealed himself so much through this trial. He has provided the right resources in order to get her under the care of one of the best physicians. He has surrounded us with a loving army of friends and family. He has placed several people in my path with similar experiences and blessed me with amazing conversations and encouragement from them. He has revealed the perfect verses at the perfect time, and he has highlighted my mom’s strength in a new light. I fully believe God will be glorified by her story.
I know cancer affects almost everyone in one way or another. If you have experienced cancer yourself or in your family or close friends please let me know about your story. What encouraged you and kept your spirits up? What did you learn and how did you grow?